Not quite quarter life crisis

Getting older kinda sucks. Nobody ever told me I'd have to deal with crippling anxiety and insecurity at this time in my life--two problems I never even had in my 20s. OR EVER. I feel like I'm doing everything backwards.

Someone please tell me this is normal. When I turned 30, one of the things I celebrated was giving less fucks about everything. Now officially in my mid 30s, why does it feel like I'm slowly unravelling?

Makes me feel vulnerable and I don't like it at all. Maybe this is my emo phase about 20 years too late.

These days (and especially now that I have finals out of the way), I try to focus about being grateful for the things I have and to curb my fairly new tendency to think about things I used to have or don't have. There are too many things that are much more productive than stressing about things I have limited influence on.

Maybe everything is just a state of mind and reframing the problem. And managing my expectations. Because after all, isn't it unfair and unrealistic to rely on anyone or anything other than yourself for any measure of fulfillment and happiness?

The thing with that idea, though, is that it makes me wonder why we shouldn't be just alone our whole lives in the first place if we should learn not to need anyone?