I've often said I hate managing people but maybe it's time to give that a rest because I hope I'm not manifesting being a bad one

It's been tough, the past couple of days. I try to remind myself that I've been through worse, this is nothing compared to the work stress I used to get when I worked in Public Relations/Advertising. And at least I'm working for a non-profit now. That really should make me feel better.

But even after all these years, I haven't mastered the art of self-regulation - I get snippy and short particularly when I'm getting overwhelmed (in this CEO-less environment), and I feel like I'm failing my team members and they deserve a manager who has the capacity to see and hear them with much kinder and compassionate eyes. I know they're trying their best, too. I can say with all honesty that though they're not the most skilled nor talented group of I've come across, they're accountable, hard-working, and care about their work. Not since I've worked with Nio and John can I say that about any other team I've worked with.

Part of the reason why I'm hastily typing this away now is because I'm wondering if journalling can help me reflect, take a breather, think on my words a little bit longer before I let them out. And maybe, think about how my very transparent emotions are affecting people around me. Do I really want to be that person who makes their day shit at work?

Damn. That really puts things in perspective.

I do feel like if I working less days at the office, I'd have more breathing space. But at the moment since I'm pusuing my PR visa, I have to keep working full-time. I just wish I had WFH days in between the office days because I can feel my ability to keep up a cheery facade is fading.